With your host, Baghdad Bob
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Supreme Court Overturns Magna Carta
by: Russell C. Park
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and unexpected move, the Republican-dominated U.S. Supreme Court voted Thursday to overturn the Magna Carta, finally paving the way for George W. Bush to be crowned King and Ruler of the United States later this summer.
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Canada For Sale On E-Bay
by: Russell C. Park
Ottawa, Canada
After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the e-Bay auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really, really cold."
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Explaining War To A Child Is Hard
(It's even harder if the kid is retarded)
by Russell Park
Telling your slow child about the war is often difficult because, let's face it, they're retarded. They don't understand politics and conflict and international disarmament treaties. If your retard has asked about what is happening on TV, this is a great sign and you should be proud. This shows that your retard can identify the difference between Barney and dismembered Iraqi soldiers. Congratulations.
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Special Torch Bearer Ruins Special Moment
by: Russell C. Park
Colorado Springs (AP) - Hundreds of people lined the slushy streets of a local suburb Friday to watch handicapped 12-year-old, Kimmy Kiser carry the Olympic torch on its final lap before its arrival at the opening ceremony.
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Liberals Object To “Trash Talking” Gitmo Detainees
by Russell C. Park
WASHINGTON (AP) - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld insisted Tuesday that the United States is treating terrorist suspects held at Guantanamo Bay humanely and in accordance with international rules. But critics, including European Union officials and human rights groups, said the Americans were using highly irregular tactics against the prisoners including trash-talking and "momma-bashing" and this could lower international support for the war against terrorism.
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Report: Majority of Coma Patients “Big Fakers”
By Gerry Barlows
Colorado Springs, CO - When ex-photographer, Russell Park first started faking a coma several years ago, it was a temporary fix to avoid mowing the lawn. Now, after all these years he admits his reasons for continuing to fake a coma include loads of attention from friends and family members as well as making his wife, Nancy feel guilty for the rather lengthy “honey-do” list he was given on his birthday, a day most guys feel should be “work free”.
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Guy Who Thought He Hit Rock Bottom Not Even Close:
Colorado Springs, CO —
When Russell Park woke up in an alleyway after a friend's party and couldn't remember how he ended up there, the former photographer was sure he had finally hit rock bottom. Then, when he arrived more than three hours late at Joe’s Café, where he works as a part-time dish washer, he was fired.
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Report: Retarded People Are Not Special
Colorado Springs, CO - According to the recent findings of Colorado Springs Gallery (The Gallery), retarded people are not special at all. Really slow people, or "retards" as they are sometimes called, are neither special, unique, nor do they possess any singular gifts or talents. In effect, they are just a random cell combination similar to billions of other random cell combinations that serve no other purpose than to suck air and collaborate in the collective food chain with other retarded people.
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